Things that can go wrong with masturbation

We all love to masturbate here at quicksex.co.uk, and so do our callers, and the thrill, intimacy and erotic excitement of a good phone sex session is enough to make anyone cum without resorting to doing anything unusual to their genitalia, so of course we suggest you call one of our sexy phone honeys to help you take a load off before you resort to any of these mistakes.

Wanking And Driving

According to the Canadian Urological Association JournalMasturbating while driving is a common cause of penis breakages. A bump in the road or the need to break suddenly can result in an erect penis slamming against the dash board or steering wheel causing the tissue that gets hard during arousal to basically snap. Ouch. It’s also illegal boys, so try to manage until you can get somewhere safe and legal, then you can use that spare hand to hold the phone to your ear and share the pleasure with one of our horny girls. Far better than having to explain a boner to a policeman.

I have tried this once. I’m not going to tell you why I didn’t see it through, Ok…. I will, I was driving for a LONG time, I was bored, tired and I just touched myself, almost without thinking about it, I undid the front of my trousers and slipped my hand inside, started rubbing and massaging my clit through my panties, I was getting so wet. Then… Then I almost crashed the fucking car! Someone cut me up and I didn’t respond quickly enough, I’m serious when I say there was an inch in it and I almost came off the road trying to avoid the collision. Never tried that again, masturbation feels so good – but not good enough to trash my car for.

Getting Caught

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It’s hilarious in the movies, we all laugh our asses off watching the totally awkward moments when Jim is caught wanking to a porn channel, and later when he’s fucking an apple pie… ROTFL. But it’s not so funny in real life.

I’ve been caught out before, I thought I was alone in my office at work, I was waring a skirt and panties and I was really horny that day – more so than usual. I think it was something to do with new window cleaners that had been working outside the office, it being a hot day they were topless and it was a good view while enjoying a coffee break outside.

I had my knickers around my ankles and my hand up my skirt, leaning back in my chair, one hand on my left boob and the other in my pussy…. seriously I didn’t mean it to go that far but it just happened. One of my team members knocked and opened the door before I had a chance to do anything about my state of arousal and undress……. I’m still not sure how much he saw, I quickly shouted at him to wait out side for a minute. I pulled my knickers back up and straightened myself out, and asked him back in. The conversation was awkward, and he’s never been the same since… bless. A young lad, only 18 at the time, but there was nothing funny about that…. well maybe a little now that I’m not working there anymore. I tried standing where he was and looking, trying to work out what he’d actually seen. I suspect he saw a lot! He was quite cute, not really my type but a nice guy. Its a shame things were weird between us since then. Anyway – Thats my second masturbation disaster.

Wanking ’till it’s raw

I read online somewhere about this guy who got really sick and the doctors couldn’t work out what was wrong with him… and then they saw his cock. It had no skin on it!!!!!

He’d been wanking so much and so hard, he’d taken a layer of skin off and become susceptible to an infection which made him vomit all the time. So when you think you know someone who wanks too much, they don’t! Wanking it until there’s no skin left is probably too much. If you really need to cum that frequently – you should keep a good stock of lube!

Getting it stuck in something

I’m always reading stories like this, they go viral often and they always get a reaction from me somewhere between amusement, cringing and pity. There are stories of guys fucking bottles and vases, getting stuck, or even having the glass object shatter as it gets fucked, causing serious damage to the penis, but from the stories around the internet, the worse possible thing you can do with your erect cock is to fuck a vacuum cleaner.

Vacuum cleaners may look perfect, the hose can accommodate any angle, and blow jobs are great aren’t they? So the vacuum cleaner must offer the ultimate suck off…. Well, yes, but when the suction gets you so hard, that your member gets caught in the belt and carpet beaters, its not so pleasurable. Depending on how good the vacuum cleaner is, you can also do serious tissue damage. There are some stories and pretty disturbing pictures of the aftermath of a vacuum cleaner ‘accident’ online but I draw the line at posting them here – they are just too horrible. Just trust me, DON’T, no matter how sexy the cleaner looks when you’re drunk, horny or both, DONT fuck it. Apparently thats the most common cause of masturbation related injury. Imagine having to go to A&E after a misadventure like that. Just don’t.

When you want a wank, and you want to get off… simple is best. Get some lube, grab your cock and enjoy it.

Let a phone sex girl help

Seriously, there’s no need to subject your genitals to cruel and unusual punishment, getting to where you need to be is so much easier with a sexy girl helping you to jack off. We’re here every day at any time for you – so when ever you feel the urge, we can be on the phone with you in no time. Surely that’s better than beating you’re poor lad till he’s broken 😉

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